(This is a beautiful story by Allegra Brillante. It reminds us to love ourselves for who we are not what society tells us we should be.)
By Allegra Brillante
One day, I woke late and barely had time to shower and dress
before dashing out the door. As I stood on the porch, oblivious to the sunrise
or the wind singing through the trees, I felt the presence of Gaia. She
appeared to me ample and smiling, her great hips swaying in a rhythm I used to
know but could no longer quite hear. I recognized for the first time in months
the joy and beauty held in all the Lady’s creations.
She stood in front of me, bosom quaking in indignation, and
demanded, “Daughter, do you love me?”
I answered hastily, “Of course, Mother! You are that which
provides me sustenance and gives me life.”
Then she asked, “And if I had made you imperfectly, unsound
of leg or limb or organ, would you still love me?”
Perplexed, I glanced down at my perfectly sound arms and
legs and at the rest of my body which in spite of my best efforts remained
nearly as ample as Her own. I thought of all the things I wouldn’t be able to
do without those limbs and considered them against the perceived cruelty of
being given a body more plentiful than modern society allowed. I realized I had
taken for granted the things that I could do with this otherwise healthy and
perfect body.
And I answered, “You did make my body imperfectly and I have
suffered among the once-borns for it. Yet it is not as unsound or imperfect as
others I have seen. I am grateful for what I have been given, Mother, and I
still love you.”
Then Gaia said, “If you were blind, would you still love my
creations?”
How could I love something without being to see it? Then I
thought of all the blind people in the world and of one friend in particular
whose observations of Gaia’s works when far deeper than my own. I remembered a
time when blindness was considered a gift from the gods and a mark of their
favor. How did all these people see creation without actually seeing it? As I
considered this, the veil fell away from my own inner sight and I recognized
that one did not need to see in order to view creation.
So I answered, “Gaia, when the physical vision is taken
away, the inner vision remains. It is this inner vision through which so many
of your other children experience your Creation. I can do that too; I feel the
energies around me. I could still love your creations, Mother, even if I could
not see them. It is the inner appearance the counts, not the outer.”
Gaia smiled and looked as though she thought she was finally
accomplishing something with this errant and wayward child of hers. “And if you
were deaf? Could you still hear me?”
Oh, She was being so difficult today! I would be late for
work if she continued much longer. Yet unwillingly, like a flower seed dropped
in a crack in the pavement, her question found a place to root in the mind I
had thought infertile. How could I hear the wind’s songs or the bird’s calls if
I were deaf? Then I understood. Gaia and her creations were not a mere matter
of listening with the ears; one also had to listen with the heart.
I answered, “I depend too much upon my ears and not often
enough on my heart. It would be difficult, but if I were deaf I would have to
let my heart guide me. I think I would still hear you, Mother.”
She smiled in satisfaction and asked yet another question:
“And if you were mute? How would you praise creations and communication with
Me?”
What, not sing in circle with my fellow pagans? No
invocation to the Lord and Lady? No call to the elements? How could I
communicate if I’d no tongue to do it with? Then it occurred to me: songs can
be sung from the heart and soul without sound; it is the language that Gaia
understands best. And praising Her is not always done with song but with
actions.
I responded humbly,” I would want my actions to speak in
ways that my tongue could not. I could still communication with you.”
And Gaia demanded one final time, “Do you really love me?”
With the conviction that I had missed the purpose of this
lesson, I responded with what assurance I could, “Yes, Mother! I love you
because You have given me these gifts and shown me their value.”
Gaia shifted her ample hips laden with creation, gestured to
the full breasts with blunt hands callused from efforts to plant and sow, “Then
why are you ashamed of me? Why do you not use the gifts I have given you? Why
do you not live every day enjoying the multitude of creation I have put into
your care?”
Tearfully, I replied, “Others do not see the value of the
gifts you have given me. They look only at the body and say I am a fright or a
disgrace.”
“And this body is so bad? It is strong and free of defects
and it could do great things if only its owner willed it so. I made you in my
own image, child. If you do not love yourself, how can you possibly say you
love me?”
I did not answer this time, having no answer to give that
would serve.
“You are blessed with life. I did not make you to throw this
gift away. I have blessed you with talents that you may tend Me but you
continue to turn away. I have revealed my word to you, but your ears were
closed. I have shown my blessings to you but your eyes were blind. I have
granted you my creatures to take care of but you have ignored them. Yet I have
heard your voice and I have answered your questions. Do you truly love me,
child?”
I could not answer. How could I? I was mortified beyond
belief. Gaia had shown me nothing but bounty and love and I had allowed the
opinions of a few once-borns to soil it with their ignorance. I had no excuse.
What could I say to Her, the gracious Lady who had given me her own form with
which to utilize those talents?
I cried out, “Why have You continued to listen for me? Why
do You love me so when I could not return that love upon myself or You?”
Gaia wrapped her arms around me and answered:
“Because you are My creation, you are My child, I could
never abandon you.
When you cry, I will have compassion and cry with you.
When you shout with joy, I will laugh with you.
When you are down, I will encourage you.
When you fall, I will cushion the blow.
When you are tired, I will cradle you in my arms as you
sleep. You are a child of Gaia and as such you will love and be loved.”
She disappeared, leaving me with a mind full of new thoughts
and a heart open to the ways of the world once more. I munched thoughtfully on
an apple and noticed how beautiful the sunrise was.
